Welcome to Nurture navigation! And what is Nurture Navigation? It is the how-to of parenting. My how-to is Heart-based parenting. During my puberty years, I struggled with how my body was changing and I did not tell anybody. Outward I was a vibrant talkative girl. But, I was ashamed of my developing chest, hips and growing up into a woman generally,http://Superiordomain.net/puberty-years-struggles/ . I wish somebody was insightful about what was going on in my mind. They could have helped me if they could, or look for somebody to help me. That’s one of the reasons I have a passion for parenting issues. Therefore if you work with me, I will coach you, in being insightful with your children and in turn, you coach your dear child from where they are, to where they are supposed to be.
Why heart-based? Because the heart is the central engine of every person. When the central engine is good the behavior is good too. So this is not behavior modification. It’s dealing with where motivations, intentions, decisions, and resolves are made.
Behavior modification in the nurture navigation
Behavior modification uses rewards and punishment, thereby thwarts initiative in the child. Parents expect children to just follow instructions. And at times children don’t want to get in trouble so they are obedient. Especially if parents use anger as a weapon. Rewards and punishment style appeals to the child’s selfishness. Like when you say,
“ You can go to the mall if you do the dishes.” or ” If you continue crying, I won’t give you ice cream.”
Doing in order to get or avoid trouble. The fact that your child is doing what you are saying, does not mean they believe in doing what you are asking them to do. This is not to discourage you, but as a parent, you want to go beyond behavior, to what motivates behavior. But with dealing with the central engine/heart-based parenting, you get to assess the attitudes and the why’s of your child. It challenges beliefs in order to mold the child’s character. https://nurturenavigation.com/2019/10/25/heart/ When you parent, you nurture your child. Be it a biological, adopted or foster child. Grandparents do nurture their grandparents too.
Behavior is a symptom
Sometimes working on behavior becomes a way to get to the heart. The parent can teach and correct the child, thereby dealing with issues of the heart. When a child shows a negative attitude towards instruction, training or correction, it shows that there is an issue in their heart. Since attitude is the window to the heart.
Below is a portion of the article written by Scott Turansky- Attitude: a window into a child’s heart. http://thrivingkidsconnection.com/attitude-a-window-into-a-childs-heart/
An attitude is more than just the behavior you see. Attitudes are heart issues that have developed from several factors including emotions and thinking errors. Emotions, like frustration, disappointment, and anger, are complicated. Jealousy, pride, and discouragement are likely to reveal themselves inappropriately as well. Often the bad attitude you see in a child is just the tip of the iceberg with complicated and intense emotions swirling around just under the surface.
Thinking errors contribute to bad attitudes as well. Children may believe that just because they’re unhappy they have the right to display that misery to those around them. Furthermore, a child may believe that the workload he has is unreasonable. Your daughter may believe that homework is a waste of time. Another child may think that if his brother is being annoying, he has the right to punch him. Children typically have misperceptions about life leading to thinking errors that result in bad attitudes.
Part of our job as parents is to help children respond appropriately to emotions and to change what they believe about life. One of the ways you’ll do that is by challenging bad attitudes, since bad attitudes are the flag, indicating a heart problem.
Lots of stimuli
It is not a secret or mystery that these days the media bombards children with a lot of stimuli, thereby those that nurture children need to be thoroughly equipped. We cannot afford to be ignorant or complacent as parents. We need to know what’s out there.
I have effective tools whereby if you use them, and work hard, you will see results. The good thing about this approach is as you work with your child, you will also see deficiencies in yourself. Howso? Because parenting is heart work. You put your heart in it as a parent. You work with God, for your child’s heart to change for the better. And the fact I mentioned earlier; you will change also if you assess your heart objectively. No parent is perfect so are our children. We are all learning as we go. I have raised two girls. Both adults now. One has a spouse and twin babies. Still, I’m learning quite a bit. I apply what I am teaching others. It works! And the feeling is really good.