Children hurting parents emotionally is at a very high percentage. Children may do it intentionally or unintentionally, but it hurts all the same. As parents, we love our children and work hard to provide for them. At times we go the extra mile to provide not only their needs but their wants. And when we do that we expect them to be grateful, or just show appreciation for what we do. We are emotionally bonded to our children and expect the best of them. Now, when things are not going on with them it hurts us or if they are not behaving or performing very well they hurt us, it might not be intentional, but still, it hurts.
Children hurting their parents by:
- disrespect towards the parents eg shouting at the parent, critical attitude or not following instructions
- Anger outburst
- children justifying themselves and blame-shifting
- sibling rival. When your children are fighting or are not talking to each other that extreme torture for the parent. Because parents want their children to love and be there for each other.
- Not accepting ‘NO’ for an answer. By always wanting to have their way. Wanting parents to always provide whatever they want and saying yes to all requests. When the parents deny them something then they go into an angry outburst or stays for days without talking to parents. But still wanting the parents to continue doing their parenting role eg driving them to school, picking them up, paying for the cell phone bill, etc. Of course, this makes the parent feel abused and unappreciated.
- Being ungrateful towards parents and having an entitlement attitude
- even a toddler can hurt their parents if they are all over the place and do not listen to their parents. At times they refuse potty training or shout at their parents statements like,” you are mean!” or “I hate you!” Now as a parent you know you are not being mean and you love your child. This kind of behavior frustrates you because you want the best for your child.
Our children at times know us so well. Our strengths and weaknesses and temperaments. Hence, at times they can play around those to make us feel bad. Some of them know what worked for them before, so they use their tried and tested methods. Children at times really know how to manipulate parents emotionally, in order to bring out their point or to get what they want.
God put us in families for a reason. The family is the child’s first training ground. Training in:
- accepting correction
- denied requests at times
- following instructions
- serving one another
- and being kind toward one another
- knowing boundaries
- and forgiveness.
In the family, we get mad at each other, but we have to learn how to communicate, forgive and move on. Because as adults we go to work, get married and interact with other people, as a result, if we were not trained enough as children we can struggle. Of course, as an adult one can still learn but its more difficult because you have to unlearn certain habits.
What can you do when your child hurts you emotionally
- admit to your self it hurts
- to figure out exactly how what your child did that makes you feel hurt
- how is it really hurting? your hurt is bleeding because of the hurt, and it hurts so bad because you love your child. If only they were in your heart and see, know and feel that your heart is aching. Basically, it hurts so bad because you are hurt by the one you truly love. You hurt because the child does not get it. In fact, he/she might truly think you don’t get it or love them.
- get in your child’s shoes( why do you think they are doing that which hurts you)
- If possible, get help for your self to preserve your sanity. You need to take care of you yourself first. Secondly for your loved ones.
- also, get help for your child.
- Also, take note: Others have come before you, or others are going through the same thing. So you can also learn from others. Don’t through a pity party, but get I can get through this attitude.
You cannot change your child, God is the only one that can change them. You are an instrument that God can use of course, but ultimately, God is the one that changes hearts. https://nurturenavigation.com/2019/10/25/heart/ .From children hurting parents to children respecting, loving and grateful for their parents. Whilst you and your child are in between, pray, pray, pray, for yourself that God gives you the grace to endure this. And pray that God gives you the strength to forgive your child, continue being kind toward them as you parent them. Even when things are good between us and our children, and everything is well with them, parents need to pray. Pray always for your children. Speak and declare good things for their lives. That in itself, helps you grow personally.