It’s crucial to teach children that righteousness has great benefits


Righteousness is found in God

By receiving JesusRomans 3:24

therefore righteousness is first and foremost positional.

and a gift from God

One needs to receive the gift though

the gift of righteousness comes wrapped in Jesus Christ

and very crucial.

know your position


and know who you’re in Christ:

You’re the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus 2 Corinthians 5:21

that is you have right standing with God

Since Christ has been made our wisdom from God

and righteousness

plus sanctification

and redemption. 1 Corinthians 1:30

Practicing righteousness

We have to practice the righteousness that we have

in other words: live it

For in God we move

we live


and have our being Acts 17:28

for we are His off springs

It is about believing in Christ

and relying on His strength to live a holy life

since it is no longer us that live but Christ that lives in us. Galatians 2:20

therefore when we live our lives immersed in Him

Christ is seen not us

For we are God’s workmanship

that were created in Christ for good works Ephesians 2:10

Parents: Don’t push your kids into doing good

but allow them to soak in the Word of God

teach them who they really are

the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus.

Encourage them to study the word of God

meditate on it Joshua 1:8

and speak it over and over.

For the more they speak it

the more they believe it.

Since faith comes by hearing Romans 10:17

and hearing the word of God.

When the word is in them

it’s part of them

Therefore it works in them

ultimately they obey it

by virtue of the Word in their hearts & minds Hebrews 4:12

Since the Scriptures transform how they think. Romans 12:2


speak the word over your children

pray the word over them

and confess the Scriptures

don’t tire

because in due time you shall repeat

Remind them who they are: “‘Come on Clare, don’t forget your are the righteousness of God in Christ.”

remind them God is working on them

for He finishes what He has started- Philippians 1:6

when they mess up

avoid reiterating the wrong they have done.

but, encourage them

telling them they can do better

because greater is He who is in them than He who is in the world –1 John 4:4

They are over comers

because whatever is born of God overcomes the victory – 1 John 5:4

and they overcome the world by faith in Christ

not by their own effort

then they will behave good because of who they are not what their parents expect them to be

Or because they are avoiding punishment

nor society expects A, B, and C.

The righteous on the move

The journey

The steps of a righteous man are ordered by the Lord

Because the Lord is a lamp to their feet

and a light to their path- Psalm 119: 105

Therefore the path of the righteous is like the the light of dawn

shining brighter and brighter-Proverbs 4:18

until the day be fully come

As the righteous beholds the word of God

consequently they move from glory to glory- 2 Corinthians 3:18

and they move from victory to victory- 1 Corinthians 5: 57; 2 Corinthians 2:14 /victorious-children-of-God/

faith to faith Romans 1: 17

in this righteousness that is by Faith

and not of works

least anyone would boast Ephesians- 2:9


God does NOT want our human righteouses

For it is like filthy rags- Isaiah 64: 6

But be found in Him

not having your own righteousness

He is alive!

He is alive

He is alive

tell your children, He is alive

let them know there is life in Christ Jesus.

those that receive Him have eternal life.

parents, talk about it when you sit

also when you stand

in your going ins

plus your going out

He is alive!

they killed Him on Passover on a Friday

and buried Him

But, on the third day Jesus rose from the dead.

The women went to embalm His body

found the stone rolled away

in the midst of their astonishment

then two angels appeared

now, in the midst of their fear;

“Why are you looking for the living One among the dead? He is not here, but has risen. Remember how He told you, while He was still in Galilee, saying that the Son of Man must be handed over to sinful men, and be crucified, and on the third day rise [from death to life].” 

HE IS ALIVE – So they proclaimed.

Remembering these words

women ran to the eleven Apostles

and the rest of them disciples

Jesus is alive!

Their reports seemed like idle stories

hence they did not believe them

Peter the disciple aggressive and daring as usual

dashed to the grave,

immediately stooped at the entrance, and looking in.

And only saw the linen wrappings

The man went away wondering.

He is alive!

Because He is alive

We are alive in Him

Our children need to know

victorious living is available

you are a winner.

through Christ

He conquered sin

and death

He rose victoriously

He is alive

Tell your children

the world in full of sin

and challenges

but, those born of God

are victorious-children-of-God/

When Jesus was crucified

they were crucified with Him

their old man was crucified with Him

when he was buried they were buried with Him

their old self died and was buried too

hence they are dead to sin

furthermore when He rose from the dead

they rose with him in newness of life

that’s why they are alive to righteousness

and when He went to heaven

again, they went with Him

they are seated in heavenly places

In Christ Jesus

Victory is in Christ Jesus

Because He is alive

Reigning in life

Tell your children

they reign in life by one Jesus Christ

therefore, they should not cower

nor be ashamed of who they are

they are light

they are children of the Most High

children of Light

they belong to to God

and to his light

And ambassadors of the light of Christ

They reign

are victorious

because Jesus their Savior and King

was victorious

And he is alive forevermore!

Victorious Children of God


Victorious, well-loved, nurtured a God protected are children of God. In the natural father do as much as they can, to provide for their children. They make lots of sacrifices in order for their children to succeed in life. Even when their children are in trouble, they go over and above. So their children are in a safe zone.

How much more our heavenly Father. The Father of fathers. The one who is Love and Light. Hence in Him, there are no variables nor any shadow of turning. Adam came into the scene when everything was provided for. All he needed to do was to be fruitful and multiply and subdue the earth. Also to obey the command God had given him and his wife.

As parents we can teach our children to study, meditate and confess the Scriptures below. Us parents and any believer will benefit much if they do the same. We all want to succeed and live victorious lives. The Scriptures are life. Let’s benefit from them.

Victorious because of Who their Father is

1 John 5:4-5 Amplified Bible (AMP)

For [b]everyone born of God is victorious and overcomes the world; and this is the victory that has conquered and overcome the world—our [continuing, persistent] faith [in Jesus the Son of God].

Who is the one who is victorious and overcomes the world? It is the one who believes and recognizes the fact that Jesus is the Son of God.

  • Everyone born of God is victorious
  • and overcomes the world
  • we overcome the world by our Faith in Jesus the Son of God.

Confession: I am born of God, therefore I overcome the world by my faith in Christ Jesus, the Son of God.

I am victorious because of my faith in Christ Jesus

2 Corinthians 2:14

But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and through us spreads and makes evident everywhere the sweet fragrance of the knowledge of Him.

Confession: God always leads me in triumph in Christ

Victorious because Jesus loved and died for them

Incredible love

Romans 8:35 & 37

35 Who shall ever separate us from the love of [d]Christ? Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? 37 Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors and gain an overwhelming victory through Him who loved us [so much that He died for us].
  • Even if you face tribulation
  • or distress
  • persecution
  • or famine
  • nakedness
  • or danger
  • even sword
  • Yet in All those above things we are more than conquerors, and gain an overwhelming victory through Jesus Christ who loved us so much that He died for us.

Confession: In every adversity, I am more than a conqueror through Christ, who loved me and died for me.

 38 For I am convinced [and continue to be convinced—beyond any doubt] that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present and threatening, nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the [unlimited] love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Christ lives through them

Galatians 2:20

20 I have been crucified with Christ [that is, in Him I have shared His crucifixion]; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body I live by faith [by adhering to, relying on, and completely trusting] in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me

  • As Christ was crucified we were also crucified with Him
  • Therefore, it is no longer I that lives
  • but Christ living in me,
  • therefore, the life we now live, we live by relying on the Son of God, who loved me.
  • And He gave Himself up for me.

Confession: It is no longer I that lives, but Christ that lives in me.

They are in Christ where Christ Is

Ephesians 2:6

And He raised us up together with Him [when we believed], and seated us with Him in the heavenly places, [because we are] in Christ Jesus, 

Confession: I am seated in heavenly places in Christ Jesus

Colossians 3: 2-3

 Set your mind and keep focused habitually on the things above [the heavenly things], not on things that are on the earth [which have only temporal value]

For you died [to this world], and your [new, real] life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is our life, [a]appears, then you also will appear

  • Because of Verse 3; we are encouraged to set our minds on heavenly things
  • NOT on earthly things, because they are temporal.
  • HOW are we able to do that?
  • For we died to this world
  • and our new lives are hidden in Christ in God( We are hidden in Christ, then in God)Hence we are highly cushioned.

Confession: My life is hidden in Christ, in God

I set my mind on heavenly things

I am secure in Christ Jesus

Victorious because Christ was victorious, and He reigns

Romans 5: 17

17 For if by the trespass of the one (Adam), death reigned through the one (Adam), much more surely will those who receive the abundance of grace and the free gift of righteousness reign in [eternal] life through the One, Jesus Christ.

  • death reigned through one man Adam
  • more so those who received salvation, reign in life through the One, Jesus Christ

Confession: I reign in life through One, Jesus Christ.

1 John 4:4

 Little children (believers, dear ones), you are of God and you belong to Him and have [already] overcome them [the agents of the antichrist]; because He who is in you is greater than he (Satan) who is in the world [of sinful mankind]

  • you are of God
  • and you belong to Him
  • also, you have already overcome the agents of the antichrist
  • because He who is in you is greater than he in the world

Confession: Greater is He who is in me, than He who is in the world.

John 3: 33

33 I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace. In the world you have tribulation and distress and suffering, but be courageous [be confident, be undaunted, be filled with joy]; I have overcome the world.” [My conquest is accomplished, My victory abiding.]

  • Jesus said in the world you will have tribulation
  • distress
  • and suffering
  • but be courageous
  • because Jesus has overcome the world( He is victorious)
  • In Jesus, we have perfect peace

Confession: I am confident and filled with joy because Jesus has overcome the world.

I have perfect peace in Jesus Christ


This is not exhaustive by any means. But it’s a snippet of how God loves, cares and provides victory for His children. By sending His Son to die for the world, He showed great love. Also, the fact that Jesus Christ being the only begotten Son of God humbled Himself. By coming to earth, knowing the death He was going to undergo.

John 3:16

16 “For God so [greatly] loved and dearly prized the world, that He [even] gave His [One and] [a]only begotten Son, so that whoever believes and trusts in Him [as Savior] shall not perish, but have eternal life.

Ephesians 2:5-8

 Have this same attitude in yourselves which was in Christ Jesus [look to Him as your example in selfless humility], who, although He existed in the form and unchanging essence of God [as One with Him, possessing the fullness of all the divine attributes—the entire nature of deity], did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped or asserted [as if He did not already possess it, or was afraid of losing it]; but emptied Himself [without renouncing or diminishing His deity, but only temporarily giving up the outward expression of divine equality and His rightful dignity] by assuming the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men [He became completely human but was without sin, being fully God and fully man]. After He was found in [terms of His] outward appearance as a man [for a divinely-appointed time], He humbled Himself [still further] by becoming obedient [to the Father] to the point

  • Although Jesus was God
  • yet He did not cling to it as if afraid of losing it
  • but He took the form of humanity for a season
  • yet without sin
  • furthermore humbled himself till the death of the cross

That is love! children-hurting-parents/

A very Insightful Post On Parenting by Dr. Scott Turansky


Why I say it’s an insightful post-It is out of the norm and gets to the heart of the issue. As I was reading it, I was having aha moments. Usually, parents want to target the weaknesses, which is coming out of the negative points. It can actually be more difficult than the other way round. Here is a portion of the post:


One mom told about her son who had a genuine sensitivity to others’ needs. He was compassionate and cared for others and often felt things deeply. “I remember one time when he was younger, he began to cry when he saw an ambulance speeding down the road because he knew that someone was hurt inside. He’s very caring. Unfortunately, sometimes this sensitivity can cause him to become moody or overly emotional, pouting or crying over the least little problem.” The positive quality is sensitivity but it can have a negative side of being moody or being prone to emotional outbursts.

Another mom saw that her son had the ability to work hard at a task without being distracted. “He focuses intensely, with real determination to succeed.” This quality of being persistent can be a real asset, but sometimes it would show itself as stubbornness.


As you look at your children’s weaknesses, look for a positive character quality they may be misusing. Look for ways to balance it with other character qualities. Give praise for the positive quality and encourage practical ways to bring balance.

Here are a few more good qualities and ways that their misuse might be revealed:

Analytical – Picky, petty, critical

Confident – Prideful, bossy, insensitive, always has to lead, overconfident

Content – Unmotivated, apathetic, lazy

Courageous – Reckless, foolish, can’t see consequences of actions

Creative – Deceptive, manipulative, mischievous, always has a better way

Determined – Hard-headed, stubborn, obstinate, argues, badgers

Efficient – Inflexible, demanding, must have things a certain way

Enthusiastic – Intense, insensitive, fanatical, extreme, thrill-seeker

Expressive – Talkative, wordy, dominating conversation, poor listener

Neat – Perfectionist, inflexible, unwilling to share

Identifying positive qualities misused will not only encourage you as a parent but it helps you develop a strategy for training. One father told us this story, “I used to get so irritated by my son’s inflexibility. If I didn’t give him warning before some kind of change he’d get upset. But one day I was talking to another father who was frustrated that his son’s room was always messy. I mentioned that we don’t have that problem in our home. My friend was shocked and told me how blessed I am to have a son who is neat. It was then that I realized that my son’s neatness and his inability to be flexible come from the same character strength. He likes order and when things aren’t in order he has a hard time


When you recognize a child’s strength in an area of character, take time to demonstrate admiration for it. Appreciation tends to focus on what a child does and is important in family life. Admiration focuses on who a child is and goes straight to the heart. When you spend time admiring a child’s strengths, you help form a child’s beliefs about self. Those beliefs are important because they form the way a child acts and develops.

You might say, “Son, you are an emotional person. I think God gave you an extra scoop of emotions when he designed you. I know you’re trying to work on your anger control now, but I just want you to know that I admire your emotional sensitivity. You’re the kind of person that livens up a party and you can see a problem developing before others because of the emotional cues. I like that. You do very well and God is going to use that in your life in some powerful ways, I’m sure.”

My thoughts on this insightful post

Whilst reading the insightful I began to think about how these strengths and weaknesses are so true for everyone. Parents too have strengths and weaknesses. Parents need to teach their children to acknowledge the strengths they see in their parents and their siblings. Because children usually have a tendency to complain about their parents’ or siblings’ weaknesses. And, at times its perceived weaknesses. Children might not appreciate their parent’s strength if they think it disadvantages them. For example, if their parents are big on respect and honor.

The kids may think their parents are not fun. And at times children admire their friends’ parents, undermining theirs. Parents have to teach their children thankfulness. Because thankfulness makes one content and brings joy. Siblings can also learn to tolerate one another and work together knowing everybody is in a learning phase. Parents remind every family member that everyone to be understood. Therefore, they need to make an effort to understand others. And not to criticize others heavily on their weaknesses. Especially if one’s weakness is their strength. Like if one is efficient and the other is not.

Hence meditating on and practicing living this Scripture would be of benefit:

Philippians 2:3-4

3) Don’t be selfish ambition or empty pride. But, be humble, thinking of others better than yourselves.

4) Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others too.

Parents can also learn from this insightful teaching

This is an opportunity for mom and dad, to appreciate each other’s strengths. Knowing that strength when taken to the extreme, can be a weakness. Also, children learn by observation too. Besides teaching and discipline. So as the parents practice praising and admiring one another’s strengths, or the good the other one does, children take notes mentally. Remember, this is about the heart. what-is-the-heart? And building character in your kids.

In conclusion about this insightful post

This was really insightful information. Dr. Scott Turansky has insightfully explained that we need each other. No one is better than the other. We complement each other. So, there is no need for competition. A family needs to work as a unit. For the betterment of each member. Hence the betterment of the family. Above all, God calls us as a family to love one another.

The Instructional Routine

the instructional routine

The Instructional routine is crucial because it:

  • builds character in the child.
  • Cooperation 
  • and responsibility 

How? Because a good Instructional Routine has a balance of:




and teamwork.

Here are the steps of The Instructional routine:

Stage 1

The parent: get close to the child. Don’t shout your instructions across the room or house. By getting close to the child,

  • it gives value to what you are about to say. For younger children, you may hold their hands and look them in the eye.
  • getting close to the child breaks the child’s concentration on what he/she is doing. They get to listen to what you have to say.
  • this increases cooperation.

The child– comes when called. Dr. Scott Turansky and Johanne Miller RN BSN in the book- Parenting Is Heart Work training manual:

“In fact, coming when called is a “preschool survival skill.”

They emphasize that older children need to come when called too. For younger children, you can make it a game. You may say, ” Pat, I want you to sit on the couch. When I call you, you come over and say, “what mom?”

When Pat comes over after you call him, validate him. Tell him he is learning how to obey. Use a lot of encouragement and praise.

Stage 2

Parent– evaluate your timing before you speak. If your child is upset, you need to deal with the situation first. Show empathy and that your relationship with him is more important than the instruction.

The child- children must be ready to receive instructions ALL the time though. In the instructional process, children learn,

  • how to give up their own agenda
  • to think about others instead of themselves.

Stage 3-make sure the child knows its NOT a suggestion

Parent: Give instructions. Make sure your child knows its not a suggestion, but an instruction. like you don’t say, “Pat, would you like to go take a bath, now.” You say, Pat let’s go to the bathroom. Its time to take a path.”

Use a calm, matter-of-fact voice. Avoid loudness and intensity, because it wears on the relationship.

Child: The child answers. ” okay, mom”

The response tells the parent 3 things:

  • the child heard what you said.
  • the child intends to follow through.
  • gives the parent a clue about the child’s attitude. If Pat says,” Okaaaaay Moooooom!” Then, you know you need to deal with the attitude.

Stage 4

The Tricky stage for most parents.

Parent– Wait expectantly. Don’t nag. Give your child time so they learn to be responsible. The child needs to feel uncomfortable until they are done with the assignment. You may remind the child wisely. ” Pat, I’m waiting”

Child: To do the job as if on a mission

Stage 5

The only stage the child starts

Child: Reports back to the parent.,” Here is the book mom/dad” Reporting back teaches children accountability. And the child will be showing that he/she knows that the job is important.

Parent: Inspects and releases, if the job needs some inspection. If the child needs to do some touch up tell him/her so. Praise for a job well done. Release by the parent gives the child a sense of freedom.


The time mom/dad spends adjusting the way they give instructions. And the way the son responds to them will dramatically improve their relationship. Thereby, making family life work more efficiently, and teaches the son valuable lessons for the future. When necessary the parent uses:

The Break to help the son think through things and repent.

The parent to continue praying and loving their child. Knowing change is a process. Even the Instructional routine can take a while for some kids to follow through. But, hey it’s doable. Keep on keeping on.

Continue reading “The Instructional Routine”

The Break-How do you deal with a 2 year- old, who does not want to sit for meals or just settle down?

The Break

The break and time-out are different in that in timeout the child must ‘serve a sentence’ for a crime’ they’ve committed. And the parent’s role is to keep the child in the place of time-out until the time is up. In The Break responsibility for change is moved to the child The break focuses on heart change, not only behavior change. After the child does wrong you send them on a mission to change their heart(repentance).

The focus here is on the heart of the child, length of time is determined by the child. A break is not a consequence but part of a training process. Children learn to take a break for them to settle down and think things through. For example- what they did wrong and how they should have behaved. This is a good practice even for adults(parents). It’s not wise to continue working with a child when their temper is rising and the parent’s temper is rising. In the break, the child has the responsibility to make changes and come back to the parent. When the child comes back, the attitude of the parent is to show a desire for the child to return. Let me give an example here: Your daughter gets up over and over again. Let’s say her name is Shirley.

The Break

You say,

” Shirley, you’re 2 years old. And you’re becoming a big girl. Very soon you’ will be going to kindergarten. You need to learn discipline. Go take a break, and come back when you are ready to listen and settle down.”

Little Shirley goes and comes back. You ask her,

” Are you ready to listen?”

This is where Postive Conclusion comes in

Let’s say she says “Yes”. Ask her what she did wrong. Maybe she says, “I kept on standing up”. You then say,

” And what were you supposed to do?”.

Maybe says,” sit down” or” Sit down and let you know if I need something”. You then show her affirmation and love and tell her,

” Alright, let’s do this again. Shirley, settle down.” Before you start the process of The Break for the very first time, you explain it to her and how it works. This process works as long as the parent is committed to it.

What is A Positive Conclusion? Dr. Scotty Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN in Parenting is Heart Work Training Manual, say:

A positive Conclusion is a discussion you have with your child after the consequence to clarify the offense, make a plan for next time, and offer encouragement to do the right thing.

They continue by saying it offers hope to the child because at times a child is repetitively corrected then they become discouraged. It helps the child have thoughts of a positive future. They encourage parents to practice Positive Conclusion each time they discipline their child. Because children learn by repetition. At the end of each session show love, forgiveness and acceptance to the child.

How to guide strong-willed, inner-directed and determined children

strong-willed chilren

Strong-willed children are generally determined, highly motivated, persistent. And they are not easily persuaded, once they make up their minds. They know what they want, have their own ideas and plans. They are also, confident, passionate, and are determined to succeed at whatever they do. These children want to recruit others into their plans and they love to be in control. They can even try to recruit the parent on their own agenda and control them. Hence, can easily manipulate the parent knowingly or unknowingly. Pretty much, these children are internally motivated, so the carrot and stick parenting approach, in and of itself, won’t work with them. Usually, these children want to get their way. how-to-deal-with-a-child-who-reacts-with-anger-when-frustrated. The parent ends up very frustrated, angry and all over the place. No wonder they can be the most difficult to parent.

Strong-willed children – the heart

The will is the place of determination and the level is determined by personality, character, values and one’s sense of morality. The heart makes a commitment and makes one want to act in a particular way. what-is-the-heart? When somebody receives Jesus( makes a commitment to follow Christ) Jesus comes into the heart and reorients the person’s character, morality, and values. The person is now born again, therefore in the spiritual things, they are babies. they need to be teaching and coaching in the things of the Lord. the same way babies are nurtured until they are fully grown or matured. This aspect of nurturing somebody happens in walks of life, work, school, and sports, the list goes on.

Salvation is the biggest asset for heart change so its important for the parent to lead their child to the Lord and if they are still little just by going to church, hearing the Word and praying with the parent helps to configure the heart. The parent needs to establish and maintain a good relationship with the child in order for the child to connect and take advice and correction without difficulty. Somebody said, ” In authority and under authority.” The parent needs to maintain their relationship with God, they are able to know when God is guiding and correcting them. And for the parent to get guidance in working through their heart issues also.

Strong-willed children and the will

The will makes choices based on the commitment. The parent needs to get to their heart. Since it’s deeper than the will. When the heart is in the right place, it guides the will in the right direction. The parent starts on the heart level to see lasting change. The strong-willed child needs a solid inner sense of direction to keep them on the right path. The parent has to identify the issues of the will and use a heart-based approach. The parent sets limits, keep them accountable but still focusing on the heart since the heart guides the will. Create a wall to block the child’s will but at the same time feed the heart with new information and experiences.

Strong-willed children and parental guidance

This child once their hearts decide on something because their will is strong, they want to go all the way in implementing it. The issue is the decision might be wrong or it might be right. Still, they need direction because the timing might not be right or whatever they want might not be the best for them. At times, the parent might not be in the position to make it happen. Because they are children, they might not consider all aspects of the situation. So, they are internally motivated but the parents need to work hard in order to direct them on the right path. That strong will can also create problems with their siblings. Thereby creating a rivalry. how-to-deal-with-sibling-rivalry

God redirecting Saul of Tarsus

Acts 9:1-9 and verse 20

1 Then Saul, still breathing threats and murder against the disciples of the Lord, went to the high priest 2 and asked letters from him to the synagogues of Damascus, so that if he found any who were of the Way, whether men or women, he might bring them bound to Jerusalem.

3 As he journeyed he came near Damascus, and suddenly a light shone around him from heaven.

4 Then he fell to the ground, and heard a voice saying to him, “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting Me?”

Then the Lord said, “I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting. [a]It is hard for you to kick against the goads.”

5 And he said, “Who are You, Lord?”

6 So he, trembling and astonished, said, “Lord, what do You want me to do?”

Then the Lord said to him, “Arise and go into the city, and you will be told what you must do.”

7 And the men who journeyed with him stood speechless, hearing a voice but seeing no one. 8 Then Saul arose from the ground, and when his eyes were opened he saw no one. But they led him by the hand and brought him into Damascus.

Saul Preaches Christ
20 Immediately he preached [e]the Christ in the synagogues, that He is the Son of God.

Teaching your child

Even before your child receives salvation, you need to teach them. Teach the child where limits exist in a relationship. It’s important for the strong-willed child to know boundaries. Otherwise, they will just bulldoze their way into others. Some adults are not socially appropriate they try to bulldoze into everyone’s business. Because a strong-willed child has a way of forcing their will onto others. One can kinda notice its a character issue that has not been dealt with from childhood. That’s why this child needs to be taught basic social cues, that tells them they have exceeded appropriate relational boundaries.

The parent needs to exaggerate the cues without being mean. Either facial expression, hand gesture or verbal expressions. It’s advisable for the parent to exercise wisdom. Even with the right information, the parents have to know how and when to apply the knowledge. Parents need to be firm and compassionate, praying for the child and themselves so they stay the course, have compassion and wisdom.

Stay the course-a strong-willed child will sway you

Don’t let your strong-willed child sway you. Nor let them intimidate and control you. After redirection, Saul(Paul) changed his agenda and started to proclaim the gospel all over. I was just thinking of how Paul was most of the time under persecution, but still, he would continue preaching. At one time he was left for dead. one time he was shipwrecked. Still, he persisted. That’s someone with a determined will for the right reasons. Stay the course. Exercise patience, brace yourself up. As a parent, God has called you for a big job. Of course, there are times where the parent needs to compromise and get input from the child. Then incorporate it in the plan accordingly.

How to deal with sibling rivalry?

sibling rilvalry

Sibling rivalry is one issue parents don’t really know how to tackle. You know pretty well George is wrong in this and Jean in this other area. But when it comes to dealing with two you are torn in two or all over. Why? Because both of them think they are right. and the parents love both of them. Parents don’t want to seem as if they are taking sides. And at times it really gets complicated that the parents are at a loss for ways to deal with sibling rivalry.

Jean is 7 and often fights with her brother George 5. George is annoying at times. I would encourage the parents to have a meeting with Jean when she is alone. Before the meeting, they need to know that the meeting will be successful if they focus on the solution instead of the problem. The majority of people don’t like it if they are working onto something, and somebody just comes in to highlight the problem areas without giving a solution. Especially if someone highlights the problem in a condemning way.

Our children are no different. Placing emphasis on training would result in a greater ability to change. Proverbs 22:6, ” Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Also, encourage Jean to think about what Karla can do in the challenging Arena she is working on(struggles with her brother), what the parents want instead, and how would Jean accomplish this? What right thing Jean need to do to replace the unwanted behavior. I encourage parents to plan your words carefully before you talk to Jean.

Solutions to sibling rivalry

1)Tell her that you would like to give her ideas on how to work with her brother. By your offering to help will increase the likelihood of Jean listening to their advice.

2)Then, you need to express some empathy like expressing that you know the brother can be annoying at times. Expression of empathy will further open Jean’s heart to your input.

3) Let her know that you notice that she gets frustrated with George and end up yelling or hitting him( this transfers responsibility to Jean for her part of the problem)

4) Express that you have ideas that will make her life easier( this speaks of hope and vision) And who doesn’t want their lives to be easier.

5) They give Jean 3 choices to use when she starts to get frustrated with her brother:

a) ignore
b) confront
c) or get help

Teaching the How part

Then teach her HOW to ignore without getting angry, confront without yelling, and get help without tattling. Teaching is the HOW portion of the game. I would encourage the parents to meditate on Proverbs 22: 6 as you direct Jean in the way she should go. This way, you would be teaching her to treat other people with love and kindness. I usually get frustrated when the Church (including myself at a time) major on telling the congregants on Don’ts and not telling them how not to do the Don’ts. One Preacher said to teach them the Do’s so they won’t do the Don’ts.

Before you close the meeting, express to Jean that what you are teaching her, is a life skill. She will need it at school, at work, and in life generally. And that the family is a training ground. Finally, let Jean know that you would need to continue with the process until she perfects the skill and uses it latter.

Parents to keep an eye on what going on between the two, so they can give help and guidance.

Dealing with a toddler who does not want to take ‘No’, for an answer, and has a meltdown. He does not want to follow instructions, hence he doesn’t want to cooperate.

An uncooperative child usually does not want to accept NO for an answer. They also do not want to follow instructions from the parent. In this scenario, we are dealing with a 3-year old son, let’s call him Pat. Mom is having trouble getting cooperation from this boy.

Uncooperative child-the mom

I would encourage mom to work on the relationship between herself and the son. When there is a good relationship between the two, it’s easier for the son to listen to the mom. Mom needs to be intentional about the relationship issues. for instance, she needs to spend time with Pat doing something the son loves. If he loves watching cartoons, mom once in a while, joins the son and participate. Also, being present by getting in the same mode of enjoying.

Mom to empathize with the son, thereby connecting on an emotional level. Especially, after mom says,’ No’ to the son, and he shows that he is not happy. She needs to let him know that she understands his disappointment, but the answer is still,” No.” Mom needs to be firm, but loving. Even in situations where mom is not involved. Where somebody denied Pat something. She needs to validate the son’s pain or disappointment. Then moves to suggestions if needed. Since empathy communicates love, at the same time allowing the child to accept responsibility for the problem. Children can take as much pressure as the relationship allows.

‘Things done’ department

Mom also needs to work in the things done department. By giving Pat chores that are appropriate for his age. This fosters life skills such as

  • cooperation,
  • responsiveness to authority,
  • giving up one’s agenda,
  • contributing to family life
  • and taking initiative.

Mom to teach son to pick up his toys after playtime. Take his plate to the kitchen when done eating. Washing hands after using the bathroom. And help out with little things in the house.

Even though the son resists Instruction Routine and is uncooperative, mom should keep at it. Knowing that sometimes children resist change. In order to gain the most from an Instructional Routine, mom should keep an eye on the heart.

The Instructional Routine

Step 1

The parent: get close to the child. Don’t shout your instructions across the room or house. By getting close to the child,

  • it gives value to what you are about to say. For younger children, you may hold their hands and look them in the eye.
  • getting close to the child breaks the child’s concentration on what he is doing. He gets to listen to what you have to say.
  • this increases cooperation.

The child– comes when called. Dr. Scott Turansky and Johanne Miller RN BSN in the book- Parenting Is Heart Work training manual:

In fact, coming when called is a “preschool survival skill.”

They emphasize that older children need to come when called too. For younger children, you can make it a game. You may say, ” Pat, I want you to sit on the couch. When I call you, you come over and say, “what mom?”

When Pat comes over after you call him, validate him. Tell him he is learning how to obey. Use a lot of encouragement and praise.

Step 2

Parent– evaluate your timing before you speak. If your child is upset, you need to deal with the situation first. Show empathy and that your relationship with him is more important than the instruction.

The child- children must be ready to receive instructions, ALL the time. Because it’s not about their convenience. In the instructional process, children learn,

  • how to give up their own agenda
  • to think about others instead of themselves.
  • and it’s practice for the future

Step 3-make sure the child knows its NOT a suggestion

Parent: Give instructions. Make sure your child knows its not a suggestion, but an instruction. You don’t say, “Pat, would you like to go take a bath, now?”

Instead, you say, “Pat, go to the bathroom. Its time to take a path.”

Use a calm, matter-of-fact voice. Avoid loudness and intensity, because it wears on the relationship.

Child: The child answers. ” okay, mom”

The response tells the parent 3 things:

  • the child heard what you said.
  • the child intends to follow through.
  • gives the parent a clue about the child’s attitude. If Pat says,” Okaaaaay Moooooom! ” Then, you know you need to deal with the attitude.

Step 4– The tricky stage for most parents

Parent– Wait expectantly. Don’t nag. Give your child time so they learn to be responsible. The child needs to feel uncomfortable until they are done with the assignment. You may remind the child wisely. ” Pat, I’m waiting”

Child: To do the job as if on a mission

Step 5– The only stage the child starts

Child: Reports back to the parent.,” Here is the book mom.” Reporting back teaches children accountability. By this, the child shows that he knows that the job is important.

Parent: Inspects and releases.

if the job needs some inspection. If the child needs to do some touch up tell him so. Praise for a job well done.

Release by the parent gives the child a sense of freedom.

In Conclusion

Cooperation and responsibility grow out of a good Instructional Routine. Because a good Instructional Routine has a balance of :

  • firstly, clarity
  • also affirmation,
  • furthermore firmness,
  • finally, teamwork.

Consequently, the child moves from an uncooperative child to being cooperative, a team player and responsible. Mom spends time adjusting the way she gives instructions. And the way the son responds to the instructions will dramatically improve their relationship, thereby, making family life work more efficiently, and teach the son valuable lessons for the future. When necessary mom to use The Break to help the son think through things and repent.

The parent to continue praying and loving their child. Knowing change is a process. Even the Instructional routine can take a while for some kids to follow through. But, hey it’s doable. Keep on keeping on.

How to deal with a child, who reacts with anger when frustrated.

An angry child usually causes frustration for their parents. children-hurting-parents. It’s important to know that emotions are God-given, but they can be misused.  I encourage the parent to spend time reflecting on your emotions. Because if you process your emotions well yourself, its easier to connect on a heart level with your child.

Emotions come from the heart of a person, therefore, parents need to connect with their children emotionally, on a deeper level. Emotionally connecting with your child will soften their heart, and prepares the way for much of the hard work of parenting. Thereby, making it more tolerable or even enjoyable. When the parents connect on a deeper level with the child, it’s easier for the child to cooperate with the parents.

Jesus was a good example of leaving behind an agenda, in order to care for people’s needs and connect with their hearts

 In Luke 10:38-42 He rebuked Martha for her busyness and affirmed Mary for sitting with Him.

At the Home of Martha and Mary
38. As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. 40. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”41. “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one.[f] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” N.I.V.

Jesus here emphasized relationships over other activities. Not saying what Martha was doing was wrong, but Mary chose the best and most beneficial activities.

Jesus ministered to people’s needs by feeding 5000, Matthew 14: 13-21

13. When Jesus heard what had happened, he withdrew by boat privately to a solitary place. Hearing of this, the crowds followed him on foot from the towns. 14. When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick.

15. As evening approached, the disciples came to Him and said, “This is a remote place, and it’s already getting late. Send the crowds away, so they can go to the villages and buy themselves some food.”

16. Jesus replied, “They do not need to go away. You give them something to eat.”

17. “We have here only five loaves of bread and two fish,” they answered.

18. “Bring them here to me,” He said. 19. And he directed the people to sit down on the grass. Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, He gave thanks and broke the loaves. Then He gave them to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the people. 20. They all ate and were satisfied, and the disciples picked up twelve basketfuls of broken pieces that were leftover. 21. The number of those who ate was about five thousand men, besides women and children.

Paul In Romans 12: 15

” Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn” This indicating emotionally connecting with others is important.

An angry child-During nondiscipline times

During nondiscipline times, have a meeting with your child. Acknowledge your child’s feelings, and help the child understand what’s going on in his/her heart. You also need to teach them three basic emotions: sad, mad and happy and have them talk about the visual cues we receive from others that tell us they are upset. Explain that at times when children are sad, afraid or disappointed they cover up these emotions with being mad. This is not intentionally done for the most part. Because it takes vulnerability and courage to admit sadness or fear. Anger becomes the preferred response because children have bought into the lie that angry people are strong. Teach the child to see emotions in others, so they develop greater empathy and relational maturity.

Teach the child to:

  • Identify the cues- the place where they can tell they are starting to get angry eg the hairs on his arms start to stand up or they can’t think straight. Tell your child that you will raise the awareness level of the cues like when you start seeing him raising his voice, becoming irritable then you come in. Give them this Scripture- James 1: 19,” be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.” Also, inform the child that the Bible does not say don’t get angry, but be slow to get angry, meaning be patient and have endurance. It’s not wrong to get angry but meanness and disrespect are not acceptable. Negative feelings don’t justify poor responses.

Emphasize also, that when one gets angry it’s important to deal with anger quickly since when one is angry for a long time they give an opportunity for the devil to come in and make a mess.

Ephesians 4: 26-27

26And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27for anger gives a foothold to the devil.

Tell your child to choose a better response

i) Coach your child in using The Break Technique the-break-method as a way of pulling back. This method can be used for a child of any age. The parent just adjusts to the age of the child. If your child says it’s difficult to pull back, they would rather vent their anger, you may give them:

Proverbs 29: 11,” A fool gives full vent to his anger but wise a wise man keeps himself under control.” Explain to him/her that he/she is not a fool but wise that’s why he/she is eager to tame their anger and he/she will do it if he keeps at it.

ii) talk about it instead of reacting emotionally.
get help from the parents

iii) slow down and persevere instead of whining and complaining about it

iv) use non-emotional times to practice the right responses

v)Give your angry child hope by encouraging them and giving them Scripture Romans 5:3-4 trials help us develop endurance, endurance, character, character helps us develop hope. I also strongly encourage parents to pray for your child and pray for yourselves, so that you develop the tenacity to help out your child

Don’t engage with an angry child-caution to the parent

chhild's anger
Engaging with an angry child

 The parent to stop and pull back instead of pushing forward. If the child pushes forward don’t engage with the angry child, because that will be adding gasoline to fire. If you engage with an angry child, you lose the battle. Because the child usually would want to argue with the parent. Why? So that the parent loses focus on the real issue.  A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare-Proverbs 15:1-3.

When the child is angry and you are also angry, you may end up saying negative statements to the child which is not good for them. That will eventually cause your relationship to deteriorate some more. And usually, children remember those words. Also, remember words are powerful. You can build or destroy with words. Since the parents are an authority in the lives of their children, what you say does matter a lot. Children will easily believe it. In the future, you might end up trying to undo the damage your words have caused. This is not to scare you or make you feel guilty. We all make mistake, but it is to make you more aware of the words you speak.