Sibling rivalry is one issue parents don’t really know how to tackle. You know pretty well George is wrong in this and Jean in this other area. But when it comes to dealing with two you are torn in two or all over. Why? Because both of them think they are right. and the parents love both of them. Parents don’t want to seem as if they are taking sides. And at times it really gets complicated that the parents are at a loss for ways to deal with sibling rivalry. https://nurturenavigation.com/2019/11/26/children-hurting-parents/
Jean is 7 and often fights with her brother George 5. George is annoying at times. I would encourage the parents to have a meeting with Jean when she is alone. Before the meeting, they need to know that the meeting will be successful if they focus on the solution instead of the problem. The majority of people don’t like it if they are working onto something, and somebody just comes in to highlight the problem areas without giving a solution. Especially if someone highlights the problem in a condemning way.
Our children are no different. Placing emphasis on training would result in a greater ability to change. Proverbs 22:6, ” Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Also, encourage Jean to think about what Karla can do in the challenging Arena she is working on(struggles with her brother), what the parents want instead, and how would Jean accomplish this? What right thing Jean need to do to replace the unwanted behavior. I encourage parents to plan your words carefully before you talk to Jean.
Solutions to sibling rivalry
1)Tell her that you would like to give her ideas on how to work with her brother. By your offering to help will increase the likelihood of Jean listening to their advice.
2)Then, you need to express some empathy like expressing that you know the brother can be annoying at times. Expression of empathy will further open Jean’s heart to your input.
3) Let her know that you notice that she gets frustrated with George and end up yelling or hitting him( this transfers responsibility to Jean for her part of the problem)
4) Express that you have ideas that will make her life easier( this speaks of hope and vision) And who doesn’t want their lives to be easier.
5) They give Jean 3 choices to use when she starts to get frustrated with her brother:
c) or get help
Teaching the How part
Then teach her HOW to ignore without getting angry, confront without yelling, and get help without tattling. Teaching is the HOW portion of the game. I would encourage the parents to meditate on Proverbs 22: 6 as you direct Jean in the way she should go. This way, you would be teaching her to treat other people with love and kindness. I usually get frustrated when the Church (including myself at a time) major on telling the congregants on Don’ts and not telling them how not to do the Don’ts. One Preacher said to teach them the Do’s so they won’t do the Don’ts.
Before you close the meeting, express to Jean that what you are teaching her, is a life skill. She will need it at school, at work, and in life generally. And that the family is a training ground. Finally, let Jean know that you would need to continue with the process until she perfects the skill and uses it latter.
Parents to keep an eye on what going on between the two, so they can give help and guidance.