How to deal with sibling rivalry?

sibling rilvalry

Sibling rivalry is one issue parents don’t really know how to tackle. You know pretty well George is wrong in this and Jean in this other area. But when it comes to dealing with two you are torn in two or all over. Why? Because both of them think they are right. and the parents love both of them. Parents don’t want to seem as if they are taking sides. And at times it really gets complicated that the parents are at a loss for ways to deal with sibling rivalry.

Jean is 7 and often fights with her brother George 5. George is annoying at times. I would encourage the parents to have a meeting with Jean when she is alone. Before the meeting, they need to know that the meeting will be successful if they focus on the solution instead of the problem. The majority of people don’t like it if they are working onto something, and somebody just comes in to highlight the problem areas without giving a solution. Especially if someone highlights the problem in a condemning way.

Our children are no different. Placing emphasis on training would result in a greater ability to change. Proverbs 22:6, ” Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Also, encourage Jean to think about what Karla can do in the challenging Arena she is working on(struggles with her brother), what the parents want instead, and how would Jean accomplish this? What right thing Jean need to do to replace the unwanted behavior. I encourage parents to plan your words carefully before you talk to Jean.

Solutions to sibling rivalry

1)Tell her that you would like to give her ideas on how to work with her brother. By your offering to help will increase the likelihood of Jean listening to their advice.

2)Then, you need to express some empathy like expressing that you know the brother can be annoying at times. Expression of empathy will further open Jean’s heart to your input.

3) Let her know that you notice that she gets frustrated with George and end up yelling or hitting him( this transfers responsibility to Jean for her part of the problem)

4) Express that you have ideas that will make her life easier( this speaks of hope and vision) And who doesn’t want their lives to be easier.

5) They give Jean 3 choices to use when she starts to get frustrated with her brother:

a) ignore
b) confront
c) or get help

Teaching the How part

Then teach her HOW to ignore without getting angry, confront without yelling, and get help without tattling. Teaching is the HOW portion of the game. I would encourage the parents to meditate on Proverbs 22: 6 as you direct Jean in the way she should go. This way, you would be teaching her to treat other people with love and kindness. I usually get frustrated when the Church (including myself at a time) major on telling the congregants on Don’ts and not telling them how not to do the Don’ts. One Preacher said to teach them the Do’s so they won’t do the Don’ts.

Before you close the meeting, express to Jean that what you are teaching her, is a life skill. She will need it at school, at work, and in life generally. And that the family is a training ground. Finally, let Jean know that you would need to continue with the process until she perfects the skill and uses it latter.

Parents to keep an eye on what going on between the two, so they can give help and guidance.

Heart-based parent coaching

heart-based parent coaching

Heart-based parent coaching is what I do. I coach parents on how to parent their children majoring in the hearts of their children. This kind of parenting is very effective. Know what’s going on in your child’s heart, in order to effectively nurture them and have them grow into responsible adults and citizens. Character training starts in the home. Or let me say it should start in the home. Yes, daycares, schools, and the church do help, but parents are supposed to be the primary coaches of their children. The home is the primary training ground.

Heart-based parent coaching-Why?

A heart-based approach to parenting is very effective. God is interested in the heart because it is the central processing unit of a person. When the heart is functions right so is the child. That’s where real and lasting change takes place. He created the heart as a central processing unit. When the heart is working correctly, it enables children to mature & respond to life in productive ways. This approach focuses on the heart of the child and the parent. When the parent is prayerfully looking at the issues pertaining to the heart of the child, they also see where they have deficiencies as a parent.

When the parent is having challenges in their parenting and is stuck, they need somebody who helps them. That’s where a parenting coach comes in. It does not mean you don’t know what you are doing. Neither does it you have been parenting wrong. But, as the African proverb says, ” It takes a village to help a child.” You need all the resources you can get to help you navigate parenting.

I coach you, on how to identify heart issues in your child. And give you tools you can utilize, to help your child move from where they are to where they are supposed to be. Your kid is not a bad kid. He/she just needs the guidance that’s appropriate for what’s going on in his/her heart.

You get to the heart,, you get to the kid!

Heart-based parent coaching-What kind of issues do parents deal with?

  • lack of respect
  • blaming shifting
  • sibling rivalry
  • justifying when corrected
  • bad attitudes
  • being disrespectful
  • uncooperative
  • anger in kids
  • even anger in parents themselves
  • lying
  • children who can’t accept ‘no’ for an answer, sibling conflict,
  • potty training struggles & the list goes on.

The thing is children’s personalities and tendencies are different, even those sharing the same mom and dad. Different ages call for different ways of dealing with the parents. The parent needs to personalize how they deal with their children.

But, there is a way to make it easier. It’s not that you are a bad parent or your child is a bad kid. You need effective principles and tools. Here, you will learn a heart-based approach to parenting, and you will watch as your child flourishes into an amazing individual. Not that your child wasn’t amazing before, but there is always room for change.