The Break-How do you deal with a 2 year- old, who does not want to sit for meals or just settle down?

The Break

The break and time-out are different in that in timeout the child must ‘serve a sentence’ for a crime’ they’ve committed. And the parent’s role is to keep the child in the place of time-out until the time is up. In The Break responsibility for change is moved to the child The break focuses on heart change, not only behavior change. After the child does wrong you send them on a mission to change their heart(repentance).

The focus here is on the heart of the child, length of time is determined by the child. A break is not a consequence but part of a training process. Children learn to take a break for them to settle down and think things through. For example- what they did wrong and how they should have behaved. This is a good practice even for adults(parents). It’s not wise to continue working with a child when their temper is rising and the parent’s temper is rising. In the break, the child has the responsibility to make changes and come back to the parent. When the child comes back, the attitude of the parent is to show a desire for the child to return. Let me give an example here: Your daughter gets up over and over again. Let’s say her name is Shirley.

The Break

You say,

” Shirley, you’re 2 years old. And you’re becoming a big girl. Very soon you’ will be going to kindergarten. You need to learn discipline. Go take a break, and come back when you are ready to listen and settle down.”

Little Shirley goes and comes back. You ask her,

” Are you ready to listen?”

This is where Postive Conclusion comes in

Let’s say she says “Yes”. Ask her what she did wrong. Maybe she says, “I kept on standing up”. You then say,

” And what were you supposed to do?”.

Maybe says,” sit down” or” Sit down and let you know if I need something”. You then show her affirmation and love and tell her,

” Alright, let’s do this again. Shirley, settle down.” Before you start the process of The Break for the very first time, you explain it to her and how it works. This process works as long as the parent is committed to it.

What is A Positive Conclusion? Dr. Scotty Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN in Parenting is Heart Work Training Manual, say:

A positive Conclusion is a discussion you have with your child after the consequence to clarify the offense, make a plan for next time, and offer encouragement to do the right thing.

They continue by saying it offers hope to the child because at times a child is repetitively corrected then they become discouraged. It helps the child have thoughts of a positive future. They encourage parents to practice Positive Conclusion each time they discipline their child. Because children learn by repetition. At the end of each session show love, forgiveness and acceptance to the child.

What is the heart?

the heart

There is a physical heart that pumps blood from and around the body. Then, there is another kind; this one is not physical. In the book , Parenting is Heart Work by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller-

“The heart is where longings grow, secrets are kept, pain is felt, plans are devised, commitment solidifies, and character is developed. In short, the heart is a person’s center; the deepest spot in one’s life.”

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What is the heart?-My training

I was trained as a Biblical Parent coach by The National Canter For Biblical Parenting, http://www.biblicalparenting.org and Dr. Scott was My mentor/coach. So, what I teach is mostly leaned on the teachings of my Coach. As one who has raised two girls that are now adults, I heard lots of aha moments. Just by looking back and seeing how my husband and I could have maneuvered our parenting when they were younger. But hey, it’s not too late because I can always things here and there. Because everybody at any age has a heart, whereby the make decisions and resolves. I can see where we have erred and are able to help others.

Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller go on to say, “When you talk to yourself, you’re doing work in your heart, sorting out issues, synchronizing them with other priorities and values, and preparing responses. In Parenting Is Heart Work training manual Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller also say,

If you were to take a tour of your child’s heart, you would find several items of interest. You’d see things like emotions, values, convictions, thoughts, fantasies, and desires. In short, the heart is the place where a child’s beliefs turn into commitments.

The heart is the central processing unit of a person. Jesus said,” Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.” (Matthew 12:34)

If you can help children change their hearts, then you’ll see lasting change in their lives.

The heart and its productions

I’m just thinking, at times we talk ourselves into despair, that’s your heart leading you astray. So no matter what comes our way, our hearts will determine how we react. Doctor Scott Turansky and Joanne miller continue by explaining that discouragement, anxiety, fear, and anger are felt in the heart. With peace, joy, love also producing their fruit in the heart. It’s therefore vital for parents to have an insight on whats going on in their child’s heart, and work based on that. Instead of just majoring on behavior change. The child needs to change their way of thinking in order to change what they are doing wrong. Proverbs 23:7- As a man thinks in his heart, so is he. https://nurturenavigation.com/our-services/

The heart is the place where children talk to themselves, adults too.

As a parent, you have issues of your heart too. As you deal with your child, you may start to notice where you lock heads, that could be that you have a specific aspect of your life that also needs change.

When children speak up

At times children will let you know, what your problem is, ouch! Swallow your pride, and avoid responding there and there. Except if you know you have the right answer, and you are not angry at the time. Let’s say one of your children says, ” My problem with you, mom is you always jump into conclusions, without enough evidence” Think of how you would react. You might tell the kid to give you examples. And try to chill, as they say. Let the kid you are grateful that he opened up and you will talk about it later. Examine your heart and follow through.

Our children want to see us vulnerable so they can learn to be vulnerable too. They also need to know that correction does not mean you are a failure. But we need each other as a family. When one is down one encourages the other. Then one has a blind spot, one alerts the other.

Getting to know what was in the heart

My husband I were talking to one of the young people last weekend, and she told us that children just want their parents to listen to them. There should be open communication, even when we differ in our opinions. Proverbs 20:5 -The purposes of a man’s heart are deep waters, but a man’s understanding draws them out. What’s in someone’s heart takes somebody who understands, or has wisdom for the other person to open up to them. Children are no different. Even when we have a different opinion, our listening to them boosts their esteem. When you listen to your children you get to know what they think; what excites them, their plans, what’s new, if you know how to probe them well they can tell you their struggles and fears.

Spending time with them, doing what they love, helps because usually most kids when they are really happy, that’s when they open up. That enhances your relationship. I have learned to listen to my adult girls, just to support and not always to advise them. Of course, as a parent, I might advise here and there, but advice can wait for another time. By loving, listening and affirming them, when they achieve something or just an improvement, you would be cultivating your relationship with them. That way you will be connecting on the heart level. Thereby making it easy for them to listen to you.

You cannot change your child’s heart.

Only God can do that. As a parent, you are one of the instruments God uses to change your child’s heart. You care for, instructs, corrects, coach and discipline your children. You can also teach the Scriptures to your children. Hebrews 4:12

For the word of God is living and active and full of power [making it operative, energizing, and effective]. It is sharper than any two-edged sword, penetrating as far as the division of the soul and spirit [the completeness of a person], and of both joints and marrow [the deepest parts of our nature], exposing and judging the very thoughts and intentions of the heart. 

Take your children to church or encourage them to go to church if they are now adults. You pray for your children and show them, unconditional love.

When your child receives salvation then ultimate change can take place. Salvation takes place in someone’s heart/spirit. http://superiordomain.net/receive-salvation/. Then as you continue feeding them with the Word of God, mind renewal happens.